The Fabric of a Family

This year has been one of many ups and downs. There has been a lot of laughter, but also a torrent of tears. Like a lot of others families I know, we lost dear family members to death. The death of a loved one leaves a tear in the fabric of the family. Just as in mending a tear in a favorite shirt or jeans, families may deal with this tear several different ways. One way of dealing with the tear is to do nothing and continue wearing the shirt or jeans. This exposes the raw edges of the tear to the elements of life. During repeated wears and washings, these raw edges become more tattered, the tattered edges become entangled with each other, and the tear gets bigger. Another way of dealing with the tear is to put a patch on it—just cover up the tear. The tear may be covered with a patch that is bright and cheerful like a rainbow or flowers or may be covered with a patch made to mimic the fabric that it is covering. The problem with patches is that they are usually ironed on and, therefore, just a temporary fix. After several wears and washings, the patches begin to pucker at the corners and eventually begin to peel off. When this happens, the patch must be ripped off—sometimes making the tear bigger—and a new patch replaced. The most effective way of mending a tear is to face it head-on with a needle and thread. The needle and thread are used to pull the fabric back together and bind it back to itself. It does not make the cloth as it once was—one is still able to see that a tear had once been there, but the fabric is reinforced at the tear and protected from the elements of repeated wearing and washing.

So, it is with the fabric of a family after a death. Do we merely allow the elements of life to continually tatter our family fabric? Do we merely cover our pain with the patches of this world? Or do we pull together as a family—supporting one another despite the own pain we feel? The choice is ours to make and my choice is to use needle and thread.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” –Ecclesiastes 4:12