Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Fabric of a Family

This year has been one of many ups and downs. There has been a lot of laughter, but also a torrent of tears. Like a lot of others families I know, we lost dear family members to death. The death of a loved one leaves a tear in the fabric of the family. Just as in mending a tear in a favorite shirt or jeans, families may deal with this tear several different ways. One way of dealing with the tear is to do nothing and continue wearing the shirt or jeans. This exposes the raw edges of the tear to the elements of life. During repeated wears and washings, these raw edges become more tattered, the tattered edges become entangled with each other, and the tear gets bigger. Another way of dealing with the tear is to put a patch on it—just cover up the tear. The tear may be covered with a patch that is bright and cheerful like a rainbow or flowers or may be covered with a patch made to mimic the fabric that it is covering. The problem with patches is that they are usually ironed on and, therefore, just a temporary fix. After several wears and washings, the patches begin to pucker at the corners and eventually begin to peel off. When this happens, the patch must be ripped off—sometimes making the tear bigger—and a new patch replaced. The most effective way of mending a tear is to face it head-on with a needle and thread. The needle and thread are used to pull the fabric back together and bind it back to itself. It does not make the cloth as it once was—one is still able to see that a tear had once been there, but the fabric is reinforced at the tear and protected from the elements of repeated wearing and washing.

So, it is with the fabric of a family after a death. Do we merely allow the elements of life to continually tatter our family fabric? Do we merely cover our pain with the patches of this world? Or do we pull together as a family—supporting one another despite the own pain we feel? The choice is ours to make and my choice is to use needle and thread.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” –Ecclesiastes 4:12

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Three R's: Relax...Renew...Refresh

How many times must I hear something before it finally sinks in? I have had the same thing told to me several times lately by different people in my life. Every time I would hear this same statement, I would agree with the advice, but then go about my days and change nothing. It was only fitting that I again received this message last week from an unexpected source. This time was through a fortune cookie following lunch at my favorite Chinese buffet restaurant. I had been able to have lunch with a friend after weeks (OK, truth be told, it was months) of us saying that "we really must get together for lunch." We both work very demanding jobs and juggling schedules where we both have lunch at the same time has proven to be difficult. Due to work related duties, we found ourselves in the same office building when lunchtime rolled around. It worked out perfectly for us to finally fit in that lunch we had been planning on for months (OK, truth be told, it was almost a full year of planning). It ended up being a relaxing time of much needed fellowship--something that I find too little of in my life. I have a hard time making time for the fun things in life--I let the responsibilities of work and school sap me and then fail to schedule time to restore my mind, body, and spirit. I learned that day at lunch (actually before I opened the fortune cookie) that I need to find the time to regroup and restore. I returned to work that afternoon and faced the same challenges and situations, but I had a renewed spirit and was able to attack those challenges and situations with a fresh perspective. God created us for a need for renewal and refreshment. God Himself took a day of rest after He finished His creation. We, as being created in His image, have this same need for rest. May we all take time to renew and refresh in mind, body, and spirit so that we may be effective wherever God has placed us and with the tasks He has ultimately entrusted to us. Oh yeah, you may be wondering about the words that were imprinted on that "fortune" cookie. I believe that cookie was divinely selected just for me. It read, "One is most productive by finding a balance between the professional life and the personal life."

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." --Matthew 11:28